The Psych Ward

No one ever expects to be sent to the psych ward. Like, in your life planning, it’s just not something you really think about. It’s not like somewhere between “graduate high school” and “get married” you schedule in “be committed.” It’s a reality, but never the one you envision for yourself. But that’s how I found myself one Saturday night in mid-October. To be honest, I had always speculated on my sanity and sometimes used to joke that I would get sent away, but I was never completely serious. I had always had my ups and downs, but I thought I would be able to handle it pretty well without getting a psychiatric hospital involved. I was very wrong. I realized that when the Friday evening before the decision to send me off was made, I started sobbing and couldn’t seem to stop. Or if I did stop, I went very numb and very stoic. I just couldn’t seem to find a middle ground between those two extremes. Not only that, I had to finish my shift at work, since I had already used all my absences and would have to wait till the next day to get a Leave of Absence (LOA) rolling (which did not go well, but that’s something I’ll get to later). The worst part is, management could have let me go early, they just didn’t want to; on previous occasions where I told them I was physically sick, vomiting and all that, management would approve my early leave and send me off with get well wishes. Little did they know that that physical illnesses were brought on by my mental instability. A lot of people would be surprised how things like anxiety and depression can cause tangible symptoms such as shortness of breath or stomach upset. I digress; the point is, I started having a mental meltdown Friday night and it lasted well into Saturday, the day I was sent off. The reasons behind my emotional break are varied. It’s honestly hard for me to pinpoint one specific thing that could have caused it; suffice to say, it really wasn’t just one thing, but a mixture of mounting stresses on top of an already overloaded and tired mind. Everyone has a breaking point. I finally hit mine.

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